I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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