my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
