There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
