My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
