sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
