I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
