This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
