There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
