nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
