i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
that's an acceptable place to lick
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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