if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
