i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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