You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
