why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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