finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize