At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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