Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
