A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
