I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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