I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
