is your mom at the bar?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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