I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
