dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
