ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Randomize
