Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
