I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
