I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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