I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
