I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
