Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
