i think i have two assholes
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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