Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
