So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
