I'm jealous of your bromance
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
