Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
