After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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