Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
