Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
