i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
