I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
