my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
