He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she looked like the before picture.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think I have vodka in my lungs
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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