All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
