I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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