dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
