Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
