i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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