If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
