I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
ok first of all what the fuck
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