I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
