this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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