I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
