There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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