Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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