i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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