actually, I'm a sock model
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
