i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
