There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
