Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
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I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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