I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
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I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
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Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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