i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
