Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
