When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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