I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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