just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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