I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
