Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
