Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
