he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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