The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
