Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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