If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
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Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
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Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom