where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
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I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
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We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married