I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
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We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
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If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.