there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just want to make out with him forever
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
