I'm so fucking centered right now
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you win again, gameday.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Less talking, more tequila
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
