i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
