I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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