Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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