just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
nutella sex= disaster
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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