She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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