and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
